The Trailer for Webster (An Extremely Historically Inaccurate Period Piece)
Voiceover: It was a time of ignorance…
Foppish Dandy [in a crowd of other nobles at a lavish ball]: Everyone knows the earth is not ROUND. (Other dandies laugh.)
Voiceover: ...and a time of discovery
Webster [staring into the distance]: People need to KNOW what words MEAN.
Voiceover: In an age of ignorance…
Farmer [reading document]: What’s a “foreclosure”?
Farmer’s wife [chopping onions]: How should I bloody know?
Voiceover: …one man sought to bring knowledge.
Webster: A book. A book that has words and what they mean.
Voiceover: He would defy traditions…
Webster [in a church]: Do not test me!
Priest: GOD defines words, not man!
Voiceover: …and capture imaginations.
Elizabeth [a fetching noblewoman at a party, eyeing Webster]: Who is that man?
Slightly older noblewoman: That’s Mr. Webster. They say he knows more words than anyone.
Voiceover: In a time of fear…
Bishop: What brings the Inquisition to these shores?
Inquisitor [stepping from a carriage]: Consider it a fact finding mission. His holiness has heard stories of this…Webster.
Voiceover: …he would show courage.
Elizabeth [speaking to Webster’s back]: But your father will disown you. The Duke will declare war.
Webster [hunched over his desk]: I must write this BOOK!*
Voiceover: WEBSTER
[wind howls, rain pours. Webster sinks to his knees, looks to the sky]
Webster: WHY MUST SO MANY WORDS BEGIN WITH S?!
October
*Thanks to my friends Jerry Bergen and Phil Sticco who helped inspire this many years ago, and to Twitter user Chris Navin for suggesting the “your father will disown you” exchange, and the name Elizabeth.
